Do you know your male restroom etiquette??

[PHO-EVER]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw

[whodilly]

wow that was a long vid. i dunno when the washroom is empty i sometimes use the urinal right in the middle! haha i'm a bastard that way

[bluntman]

I remember watching most of that...hilarious! I don't remember, but was there any mention of how far away from a urinal one should stand while doing their business. I mean, I walk into a washroom, there are just some things I don't need to see early in the morning. And what's with going "hands free"? I saw one guy put his right hand on the wall in front of him and then another guy putting both hands on his hips! ???

"Just remember, if you tap more than once you are technically playing with youself"

I don't remember where I heard that, but I found that rather funny. ;D

[wtom]

What type of guy are you when you go pee?

Excitable Type
Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

Sociable Type
Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.

Timid Type
Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.

Nosy Type
Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.

Indifferent Type
All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

Clever Type
Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.

Vain Type
Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

Absent-Minded Type
Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.

Worried Type
Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.

Disgruntled Type
Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.

Conceited Type
Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing.

Sneaky Type
Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him.

Sloppy Type
Pees on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.

Learned Type
Reads a book or newspaper while peeing.

Childish Type
Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while peeing.

Efficient Type
Waits until has to poop and does both at the same time.

Strong Type
Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.

Drunken Type
Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pees in trousers.

Embarrassed Type
Covers tool with both hands and pees through fingers.

Cock-Eyed Type
Stands in one cubical and pees in next one.


- - -

One for the women;

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him.

Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.

After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding.

It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy; it's just not safe.

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.

Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.

[majic]

One for the women;

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him.

Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what we're aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.

After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding.

It's the dreaded "morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy; it's just not safe.

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.

Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.


ROFL!!!!!! i've read this before and it makes me LOL every time i read about the fuzzy covers and the wood not bending and finishing off with superman position... LOL.. love it!

[wtom]

I was visiting a friend's home one time and had the fuzzy cover problem. Easy fix is to lift up the tank-cover behind the seat cover, reposition it as far back towards the wall as possible. Depending on the thickness of the fuzz ... it will work. ;D