Cardinal Fang
06-22-2007, 12:26 PM
In an effort to bring culture and reading to this board I offer you these funny perspectives on actual news stories.
"Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet"
"Woman concerned that the election board isn't stringent enough, registers her dog to vote even though he's a Republican."
"French company claims to be developing "CO2 absorbing plant". Hey, wait just a damn minute!"
"The mother, aunt, and uncle of a Florida toddler have been arrested for giving the kid gin. The boy is reportedly laid back, with his mind on his mommy and his mommy on his mind."
"One in ten kids proves as stupid as Ronald Reagan and think a serving of ketchup counts as eating a vegetable."
"4,000 pounds of pig blood spills on road. Strange red haired girl seen fleeing from the scene.">>>>>>>>>>>>Carey reference.
"16-year old girl taking school to court for refusing to let her wear 'purity' ring. In other news, teenager not having sex with teacher found. In even more news, 16-year old virgin found."
""Women more prone than men to have mid-life strokes," say researchers who are unfamiliar with internet porn."
And my favorite:
"Warehouse fire burns up 2000 pounds of marijuana. 35 firefighters, 1,000 gallons of water, 5 gallons of chemical suppressant, and 70 bags of Cheetos required to extinguish the blaze."
"Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet"
"Woman concerned that the election board isn't stringent enough, registers her dog to vote even though he's a Republican."
"French company claims to be developing "CO2 absorbing plant". Hey, wait just a damn minute!"
"The mother, aunt, and uncle of a Florida toddler have been arrested for giving the kid gin. The boy is reportedly laid back, with his mind on his mommy and his mommy on his mind."
"One in ten kids proves as stupid as Ronald Reagan and think a serving of ketchup counts as eating a vegetable."
"4,000 pounds of pig blood spills on road. Strange red haired girl seen fleeing from the scene.">>>>>>>>>>>>Carey reference.
"16-year old girl taking school to court for refusing to let her wear 'purity' ring. In other news, teenager not having sex with teacher found. In even more news, 16-year old virgin found."
""Women more prone than men to have mid-life strokes," say researchers who are unfamiliar with internet porn."
And my favorite:
"Warehouse fire burns up 2000 pounds of marijuana. 35 firefighters, 1,000 gallons of water, 5 gallons of chemical suppressant, and 70 bags of Cheetos required to extinguish the blaze."