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blankets3
04-08-2010, 08:18 PM
http://semo.craigslist.org/cto/1672654758.html


Looking for a first car for a teen? This car is absolutely brilliant. It’s got low mileage (68k), has been super reliable, and is excellent on gas. Since you’re likely paying for the gas, this will make things much cheaper on you. I average like 37MPG to a tank. And with such low mileage, it’ll work great for a long long time.

But you wanna know the best reason to buy this car for your kid?

It’s slow as shit. You don’t have to worry about speeding tickets or accidents in this baby. Your kid could have a 1 mile run and hit a brick wall not wearing a seatbelt and not be going fast enough to do shit. And there won’t be any sense in him getting some shitty ass fart can off of eBay – this car has the super slow SPI engine, no sense in trying to make it any faster. It’s a 4-door, so your kid won’t try to put gay ass Lambo doors on it. It is still possible to fit this with a body kit, but if you’d like, for an extra $200, I can stab him in the face if he does this.

It’s a 5-speed, so your kid can’t talk on his cell phone while playing Gameboy and smoking pot – he’ll have to actually pay attention. It also means you won’t have to pay for an automatic transmission when your kid beats the hell out of it. It’s got a new clutch and new tires, so you’ll know if he does burnouts. After all, I’m sure YOU’RE the one paying for tires, right? It’s got an aftermarket head unit in it, so your kid won’t **** it up when him and his buddies try to wire in a “phat ass system”. It’s already had the speakers replaced too, so he won’t have to tear the door cards on and then look like a retard when he can’t get them back on. It’s got manual windows too, so he can’t **** up the window motors when he rolls one of his friends heads up in it as a joke. A new battery means when he leaves his headlights on, it won’t leave you totally stranded.

But really though, one of the best parts is that, because it is a 4 door, it will be somewhat embarrassing for him to be seen in. I’m sure you get pissed at him from time to time. Hell, you’re probably mad at him for harassing you into buying him a first car. So get this one. It has no A/C, so you’ll know he’s suffering every time you get mad at him. Pretty satisfying. It’ll bring a smile to your face too, to know he’s rolling around looking like a ***got in a Ford Focus.

So buy this car for your kid. You won’t regret it


Contact: 573-334-4363

stevenma188
04-08-2010, 08:26 PM
Jokes!

Malcolm991
04-08-2010, 08:30 PM
That's a cleaver add!

Riftler
04-08-2010, 08:40 PM
LOL! hahaha oh man, that car better sell quick!

-RJ3-
04-08-2010, 08:43 PM
My boys gotta 98 civic si under 200K
3000 dollars.

I bet ya a kid would want that ;)

Thrizzl3
04-08-2010, 10:52 PM
lmfao! who has 2k sitting around to buy that...use it as the TM3 mascot.

blankets3
04-08-2010, 11:12 PM
lmfao! who has 2k sitting around to buy that...use it as the TM3 mascot.

Ill put down 50 bones...

MistaChin
04-08-2010, 11:19 PM
Such a great car ad hahaha

laksman91
04-08-2010, 11:31 PM
almost as epic as UOU's add for his MS3

stevenma188
04-09-2010, 01:56 AM
^What was that?

laksman91
04-09-2010, 05:53 AM
^What was that?
Ask and you shall receive :bana


Time travel machine: 2007 Mazda Mazdaspeed3 - $22,999 OBO
Warning, this advertisement is intended for adults only; not so much because turbo chargers have been known to suck in the small and weak and eat them for breakfast but more so because most piggybanks don’t hold enough cash to actually buy the car and I am not interested in receiving pocket change for payment... If all you have is 92,996 quarters either convert them into certified funds or stop reading now.



So what are you getting for your money? For starters you get a couple “Mazda’s” in the name. The Mazda Mazdaspeed 3 is about as unique as a Starbucks right across the street from another Starbucks. Sure, there are a few out there, but it’s not common enough that everyone is calling their car BMW BMW M3, or Audi Audi S4 so you can take pride in the name before you even start the car. Further more, on the name, how many cars actually have the word speed in them? This is no “GT” or “S” model; those are for pansies! No innuendoes here my friend, straight to the point with speed in the name on the badge in the boot for the world to see, ... and see it they will as the rear of the car disappears off into the sunset leaving their weak-sauce “S” models in the dust.



This beast comes with all the standard equipment us octane starved thrill seekers could want in life. It has 263hp and 280lbs of torque to outrun the cops, a lively chassis to scare all your friends, and brakes strong enough to count as a chiropractic treatment.



Ever wonder why your watch gets out of sync? That’s because the Mazdaspeed3 has so much torque that if the loud pedal is pressed it actually, for a moment, increases the earth’s rotation by 0.0235% (or by about 43 seconds in layman terms). I don’t like resetting all the clocks in the house so I don’t do this regularly but I can’t control what other owners are doing, so if you are looking for someone to blame for the 2009 New Year’s count down blunder when the clock accidently says midnight too early, look elsewhere.



I couldn’t find a warning in the manual so I feel obligated to warn you that this car packs enough testosterone that it may cause pregnancy. Shortly after buying this car my wife was with child. Should you or anyone you know become pregnant after being in this car I take no responsibility. You must also be comfortable with growing hair in new places... Just saying.



My price on this bad boy is a steal at just $22,999, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t show up and say that you’ll give me half of that. If you do, I’ll feed you to the turbo charger along with the small and weak that got sucked in during my commute home.



There is only 24,300km’s on this F1 car with seating for 5 and she is in mint condition. I don’t mean the kind of mint where loonies come from, I am talking about garage kept (as to not scare the kiddies at night), dealer serviced, and only fed Sunoco Ultra 94 since day one... none of that cheap urine filled crap from the bad part of town. This legend is sure to outlast you and all of your kin, after all its got two first names, so unless your name is Bob Bob Speed you haven’t got a chance so be sure to enjoy this beast while you can.



Serious inquiries only. Dealers or telemarketers should fear being fed to the turbo charger if you’re crazy enough to try something stupid like wasting my time. Ask about my one time payment plan, yes that’s right for just one easy payment of $22,999 this time bending beauty can be yours.

jaimie08mazda3
04-09-2010, 02:47 PM
HAHAHAHA that was awesome. And soo true.