What's the "IN" thing in elementary school?

[Default User]

Alright, so today I had a heartbreaking conversation with my nephew.

He's in the second grade at a Malvern school that is nowhere near his Ajax home.
Not to say he's spoiled, but he doesnt exactly have a tough life (probably compared to at least half of the kids in his class)

He's actually the perfect kid - respectful to elders, does things as told, doesnt talk back, and always takes care of his younger brother and cousin (my 4yr old daughter) - usually taking a back seat to their needs first. He's the kid you wish was your own.

The way the conversation started (and what's both heartbreaking and concerning) was him asking me if I "was a popular kid in school". His voice kind of fluctuated as if he worked up the courage to ask me this for a long time.

Not knowing how to answer him directly, I asked him why? and if he was popular. His reply; "I dont think I'm popular, just funny because everyone laughs when I say something"

I'm really concerned about this. As a parent, I always hope my kids are "too school for cool". But after this discussion, I'm really torn.

So my question is this: (and goes out to anyone with kids, younger siblings, or relatives of their own).....What's the In-Thing for kids, so I can help my little nephew relate to some of the kids in his grade?

In no way am I trying to change my nephew. I simply want to introduce something new, apart from his Nintendo DS, and TV at his grandparents home.

Thanks in advance
-Eric

[Kappa]

thats a hard one... i always had lots of friends in elementary school but lacked that in middle and highschool.. i was always just tough to be myself..

turns out that works well for some and not well for others... it wasnt until this year after moving away from home i ended up with a lot of good friends... i now have people i can count on which is a first for me.. if i was living at home and broke down i would call a tow company now if i break down i call my friends no matter the time they will be there.. so the whole time i stayed true to myself and acted how i felt was right and ended up not having more than 2 friends in highschool and middle school but now have tons of friends after that... only 10 years later lol!

[SSmoked]

my little brother is grade 7 now. I dont know if hes the most popular kid in school but i dont even think its like that anymore, well at least here in vaughan. We have our different group of friends. The best thing i would sugguest is sports. He will be able to meet other kids his age, and have fun away from school. you know something he could look forward to after school. And if he is good at a certain sport it will better as he will be known in a certain aspect. Sports was a big part of my younger year, and im sure its the same for my brothers. But my personal ticket to not being the out cast was my ability to make people smile and make there day better.
There are soo many things to cosider tho, how old is the kid? background? un natural features? type of school in a given area also makes a big difference. It much easier to get along with you "kind" so to speak then to be different.

[XTOTHEL]

Sports. Specifically team sports, gets the kids together and interacting.

At his age, there really isn't a "in" thing. Just what grabs most attention. If kids have good times with each other, they become friends. Even if they fight, it'll only be temporary.

If all else fails, try getting him the (old) beiber cut.

[Default User]

thanks for sharing guys!

I was always into Sports - but nowadays, with PS3 and the Nintendo DS, nobody (in this neighborhood) plays sports - or any physical actvity anymore
it's almost like the "in thing" is NOT to be active.

A part of it is that the neighborhood isnt "outdoor activity friendly" anymore. Most Parents dont want their kids outside - out of their site, for fear of gang violence. (there was actually a few shootings on my parents block in the past few months.)


And you'd be surprised what kids his age want to have / do. One of his wish list was to get a DJ set. Some of his classmates breakdance, and others have some expensive (ghetto-brand) clothing ie. Jordans, Echo, Roca Wear, etc.)

The beiber thing doesnt fly in this neighborhood...will probably make it worse

[XTOTHEL]

thanks for sharing guys!

I was always into Sports - but nowadays, with PS3 and the Nintendo DS, nobody (in this neighborhood) plays sports - or any physical actvity anymore
it's almost like the "in thing" is NOT to be active.

A part of it is that the neighborhood isnt "outdoor activity friendly" anymore. Most Parents dont want their kids outside - out of their site, for fear of gang violence. (there was actually a few shootings on my parents block in the past few months.)


And you'd be surprised what kids his age want to have / do. One of his wish list was to get a DJ set. Some of his classmates breakdance, and others have some expensive (ghetto-brand) clothing ie. Jordans, Echo, Roca Wear, etc.)

The beiber thing doesnt fly in this neighborhood...will probably make it worse

He seems pretty open. Try to teach him to not care about material things like that.

Also by sports, I meant organized sports. Like clubs that you have to pay to get in. (soccer, karate/martial arts, basketball, hockey)

Also beiber thing would get girls = guys jealous = him "in"

[prinsesa]

If he's a boy, do not do the Bieber thing!
Even though I'm young, I was always concerned with my younger cousins and my "future" children being in school due to bullying, etc.
I went to 5+ schools from Elementary (3-4) to Highschool (5) lol So it was hard trying to make new friends at the new school.
There are alwaaays cliques, in Elem or HS. SO its good if your nephew or daughter goes to school with kids from her own neighbourhood or other cousins.

I dont think its about the "in" thing anymore lol cuz those "in" things change and you kinda dont want to waste money trying to get the latest stuff all the time plus thats not a good lesson for a kid cuz then in HS, he's 100% going to try drugs =P since it is the "in" thing in HS, drugs, skip classes, etc.

He doesnt have to be popular, as long as he has a group of friends from the same sport team, from the same hood, from the same class, etc. then he should be good.

Oh! And having an older brother/sis/cousin to look up to is good as well :) I remember my cousin getting buillied by an older dude who I went to the same school with, my cousin told me about it and I took care of it :D

[SpeedBaby]

Also beiber thing would get girls = guys jealous = him "in"

do NOT attempt to pass on this advice to your nephew for another few years, cuz at that age girls might not have cooties anymore, but they're still not cool.

the sports on the other side is a great idea - yes it's an added cost, but aside from the social aspect they have obvious long-term health benefits so overall it's a great investment into the child's future.

[KenYork]

My son's in grade 1, he's learning wushu outside of school but is also in community floor hockey and karate for fun.

Try community center sport programs. Usually to get feelers of what kids want to do, also much less expensive and competitive than leagues. Interaction outside of school seems to be important as mentioned in my sons recent report card of having him go on play dates to encourage his social skills with others his age(I'm assuming he's spending most of his time with adults at home since you mentioned DS and TV at grandparents).

[Jeff-TheBiz]

it's almost like the "in thing" is NOT to be active.



Finally.... I am one of the cool kids... :D

[Default User]

damn - I was just gonna buy him some Timberland street Chuckas and a Sean John hoodie and call it a day....



Def not gonna encourage him to be a playboy. Girls are more trouble than bullies
A Bieber-do is def a NO... more like "Hell no" with extra "over my dead body" and a side of "beat yo ass" LOL. (and dont get me started on skinny jeans for boys)

I dont think its a social skill problem. I think its just a lack of similar-interest options.
He's the oldest of his cousins. so unfortunately, nobody to teach him how to be his age.

I will keep diggin on his interests, and see if he wants to enroll in some extra curricular activities.


thanks again to everyone, for sharing

[dentinger]

Gym, tan, and laundry.

[p-o-g-i]

Eric, I don't know what to tell you buddy. With Issa in pre-kindergarten classes now, I noticed that she tends to play off on her own from time to time, and not be as participating in social activities. I keep hearing this is just a phase, but still as a parent you always look out for your kids.

[Kappa]

Gym, tan, and laundry.

your gf?

[dentinger]

your gf?


What? No. I'm smart enough not to have a gf lol
I thought GTL was the new 'in' thing. What do I know tho.

[Stephen-1991]

Bro its all about GTL....

[XTOTHEL]

http://www.guidofistpump.com/guido%20pix/fistpumpin.gif

[Nick]

i used to play sports outside of elementary school. my parents signed me up for two seasons of soccer then on to softball. now i play for the nba........yea right. mixing with different kids outside of school is something new, so there's nothing to prove and they can possibly become friends. if not, playing sports and mixing it up with other kids will still boost his confidence.

[bunchi]

dude you don't need to change anything with your nephew. i'm sure you don't want him to be one of those losers. instead, i'd tell his parents to talk to his teacher. my kid is in grade 1, and we parents are encouraged to speak up and talk to our kids' teachers whenever we feel that there's any kind of issue happening around the school, classroom, between kids.

[bman13]

Gym, tan, and laundry.

:pofl I died...

As mentioned...find out what he likes to do, interested in...if he into sports you're good to go.

[Default User]

Thanks again everyone.
I'm def gonna try to get him into sports.



i used to play sports outside of elementary school. my parents signed me up for two seasons of soccer then on to softball. now i play for the nba........yea right. mixing with different kids outside of school is something new, so there's nothing to prove and they can possibly become friends. if not, playing sports and mixing it up with other kids will still boost his confidence.

Nick...you live near my neighborhood. Do you see any kids playin outside nowadays?

back in the day - you'd see a Snowman on every yard on the street. This year there were prolly 3 all year.


btw..did you hear the shooting on Saturday? LOL Good ol Malvern

[The Johal]

Sports. Specifically team sports, gets the kids together and interacting.

At his age, there really isn't a "in" thing. Just what grabs most attention. If kids have good times with each other, they become friends. Even if they fight, it'll only be temporary.

If all else fails, try getting him the (old) beiber cut.

+1 if anything will help its sports and team sports becasue at such a ealry age you want kids to build and work on their interpersonal skills because thats what is gonna help them down the road and I hear what your saying about the PS3's and Xbox's but i know im not that old im only 19 but when i was his age i loved being out side playing all day.. but talking to my own little cousins i feel like their all missing out in those advantures becasue their all so busy with the game system..and dont get mt wrong i love playing video games but if i had a choice i would be outside playing soccer in a heartbeat but i dont know kids just arnt that into the fresh air anymore. thats just my two cents. hope all goes well!

Parv

[zoso]

The kid has great values, he will find some good friends sooner or later. popular =/= good. Remember it's the long run, i wasn't the popular guy in my school but i'm doing better the most and do have a good life

Let him be him and in the end that is what will make him happy. I tried to fit in by not being myself and it wasn't fun at all

[The Wolf]

As hard as it may be for parents, and in your case uncles, I think you gotta let the kid kind've find his own way. There's enough pressure at school from his peers to fit in... He doesn't need that pressure coming from the adults in his life. The cool kids in school will always be the cool kids in school. Instead, if he seems to be having a real hard time, try to show him that high school and that mentality is temporary.
I'm 26. I was never the "cool kid" in school. I had friends and family who cared about me and I was raised to know that I shouldn't base my self-worth on other people's acceptance.

He sounds like a level-headed smart kid. Don't let him think for a second that he needs to prove anything to anybody.

[SilentJay]

+1 Organized sports might be the way to go.

I was a super-sheltered kid (not allowed to play after school, not allowed to go to friends' house, not allowed to go out, not allowed to play video games, etc), and have been on both sides of the popularity gammut throughout school, though sadly, mostly on the unpopular side. Why? Because I didn't have any significant social development until I hit the middle-to-end of high school. Heck, i'm still super-socially-awkward. I understand why my parents might have raised me this way (high scholastic expectations), but I also see the incredible value in putting a child in situations where they build and practice making relationships and interactions.

[Hyperion]

How to get your kids awesome in 3 easy steps.
1. Remove ps3/xbox/wii from life, keep for rainy days. I didn't have one until I was 18, and I had to buy it on my own. This forced me to play outside, and since I went to a private school far away (same as your kid) forced me to make friends in the neighborhood.
2. As said before, sports sports sports. Nothing bad can come from sports, its scientifically impossible.
3. From the swim instructor in me, this kid better be in swimming lessons.

[The Johal]

How to get your kids awesome in 3 easy steps.
1. Remove ps3/xbox/wii from life, keep for rainy days. I didn't have one until I was 18, and I had to buy it on my own. This forced me to play outside, and since I went to a private school far away (same as your kid) forced me to make friends in the neighborhood.
2. As said before, sports sports sports. Nothing bad can come from sports, its scientifically impossible.
3. From the swim instructor in me, this kid better be in swimming lessons.

haha I cant swim.. wanna help a brother out, summers just around the corner LOL

[Jackal]

1)Sports - team or individual
2) Gymnastics - will not pay off right away but will later on because he will be stronger, faster and have better balance than everyone else - great for later interests like martial arts, breakdancing, hip hop, coordination
3) the Arts - whether it be music or drawing, this is definitely a cool thing

[She_Prime]

I run Girl Guides and I know a big thing with my girls are those god awful Silly Band bracelets. They seem to be quite popular with young boys too as they come in different shapes (my son has one that is a Spiderman head). They're a fun trading thing apparently. The Pogs of 2010-2011 so to speak.

But sports would definitely be a good idea. Some schools even offer intramural leagues. I know my elementary school had lunch time indoor hockey tournaments or sometimes had instructors come in and teach a dance lesson or karate lesson. Check the school board's website and see what his school offers. Or make an appointment with the school's prinicpal

[Default User]

UPDATE:

So I picked up one of those dollar store Indoor Basketball sets (that you stick on the wall/mirror with suction cups) and set it up in the basement at my Parents home.
And on Sunday - played a little one-on-one with the nephew, who seemed to enjoy it. So much so, that his younger brother joined in. (and relieved me *thank God)
Nothing close to a competitive game - but fun for them none-the-less.
Hope it carries on, on a regular basis for them.

I told my brother and sister-in-law about the original conversation. They are going to see if he's willing to take up swimming lessons or karate or something.

Thanks everyone for sharing your ideas/thoughts.

To anyone that reads this later on.....
Sports and Group activities will absolutley help build kids' confidence. Enroll your kids in extra curricular activities, and give it a second thought if youre thinking about purchasing a PS3, XBOX or Nintendo DS. Let them use them within reason. Just remember - as a parent, YOU are responsible for their well being. Just because you're too tired or too busy to do any physical activity, doesnt mean your kids should be too.

[Zoom Zoom Boy]

I would have said a hooker and a bottle of good scotch, but perhaps I have been watching too much Charlie Sheen of late.

I like your idea better. I hope it all works out. He sounds like a really good kid and you a pretty caring uncle.

Now back to my scotch.